just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
