Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
