I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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