her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
