there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
