thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize