Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
