I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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