Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
