just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
