He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
