when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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