loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
