were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
