Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
