Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are we still banned from the library?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
