whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
