i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
