just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
