You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
