If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
