I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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