Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
