Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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