You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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