she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
