I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
