he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
