can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
