White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
