I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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