Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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