o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
