My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
