I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
