At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
