I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
