need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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