i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
