i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
