I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
