Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
