the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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