DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
