He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
