and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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