At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
