It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
