Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
