So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
