i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
