i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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