So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
