you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
