Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize