so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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