I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
