You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
